**So, you've probably figured out by the timing of this post that I'm actually done 5 Days! I didn't post yesterday because I was so busy, and I still have a lot to digest tonight, so I'll post my final thoughts tomorrow. Here is the post from yesterday.**
Today was a school day. On Thursdays I have class from 11am until 3pm and then 6pm until 9pm. It's a long day normally, and when you've been averaging about 3 hours of concrete-padded sleep a night, it becomes a since-when-did-clocks-move-backwards day. I fell asleep in two out of my four classes (I'd like to say that this is a first :P Oops). I apologize to my teachers, but that desk was just far, far too attractive at this point.
Side note: We had a table set up in the atrium where I had my signs and donation tin at the ready. After 20 minutes I had passed out on the table. I was woken by multiple people putting money into the jar still clasped in my unconscious hands. Apparently this "look pathetic" thing is really working for me. I digress.
Being in classes was also really difficult for me today because I felt so disconnected. I knew the whole time my team was outside begging for cash and I was inside learning about things I would not remember in a week. When I did beg between classes, it was a lot harder for some reason. I discovered that this was because I had my "student-mentality." As a student, my mindset is very much 'What can I get out of this?' which isn't necessarily a bad thing as it helps you reject useless information and restore good information. Unfortunately, when you take that mindset and go beg with it, you once again make the rejection about you. In begging mode, I expect nothing and when I receive something it is a blessing. In student mode, I expect to be treated as an equal and when I face countless turned away faces, it hurts. I'd say there's a fairly good life lesson on perspective and humility there.
My team and I are getting more and more tired, and it's reflected in our motivation and patience. We've gone from taking two hour long turns standing in certain spots to twenty minute rotations. At one point today I tried to smile and my muscles were actually incapable of it. Who knew you could overuse your smiling muscle? Being polite, being considerate, being charismatic--being on--all day, every day is just as, if not more, exhausting to me than sleeping in a box. I love people and I love talking--if you know me you know this--but there's something about having to 'sell' yourself all day long that makes me want to curl into a ball and ignore the world for a day. Thank God I turned down that job for Future Shop.
I am learning a lot about sales though. Eric, one of my teammates, is a salesman for a living and is ridiculously good at it. How a man manages to get donations plus nine girls' phone numbers after not showering for a week is completely beyond me. I would attempt this feat myself, except that this morning I was contemplating not buying hair gel any more because I could save money by just not showering. Sooo, ladies, you're off the hook this time.
Sigh, I kind of miss my shame. I miss my rule about never wearing sweatpants in public. I miss a good solid belt. I miss talking with people without them thinking I had an ulterior motive. I miss talking to people without an ulterior motive. I miss "Good" being the response to "How are you?" instead of "I don't have any money." I miss being able to lay flat when I sleep. I miss being nervous to talk to profs because they intimidated me, not because I'm going to ask them for money and they may hate me forever because of it. I miss having a filter.
That being said, I have an inkling that there are about a billion things I'm going to miss about 5 Days once I get home.
I have a paper due at midnight tonight that I've been putting off writing, but I guess I have to get around to it eventually. When I have less and less sleep my writing often tends to become more creative and flamboyant. In my first research essay for university, and therefore my first all-nighter, I stated that the character's rejection was "like a flower being trampled under a boot" (or something like that). My teacher wrote "a little much?" on the side of my paper. Noted. Similes and research papers don't mix. Got it.
Now I'm just rambling. Wish me luck.
Day 5, you've never looked so beautiful.
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