5 Days: Day 2 - 'All You Need is Love'

I’m pretty sure I’ve been at this for about 3 years now. At least, if you were to add up the emotions that I experienced today, it’s about the equivalent of 3 years. In 2007, I cried approximately three times. True story. Today, I just about lost it approximately 9 times. Being homeless is not for the faint of heart.

I don’t even know where to begin. Last night someone stole my toque, which normally I’m ok with because I assume that the person who stole it needed it more than I did (it happens frequently). Yesterday was one of the rare circumstances where this probably wasn’t the case. Thankfully, a kind student came by and actually lent me his for the night, despite knowing how greasy my hair currently is. I repeat, people are awesome.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the theme of today. People have begun to latch on to the “I donated yesterday” line, which I understand, but also don’t. See this is my problem. In my attempts to be as understanding as possible, I try to see each person’s perspective. I am also a poor university student and am very careful with my money. If I had already given my money I would get frustrated by being asked time and time again. So I get that. But also, we’re talking dollars here. Not thousands, not hundreds, just dollars. Dollars that I would spend on a coffee with no second thought. So every single time someone doesn’t donate I go through this whole mental process of justifying and then un-justifying their response. This, combined with the mental processes of very little sleep, results in complete mental exhaustion.

The feeling of rejection is also an unrelenting constant. I know this is not about me, I know this is not about me, I know this is not about me. And yet, for some reason, walking down the hall watching every single person avert their eyes is hard not to take personally. I have calculated the exact distance of where people will begin to take out their phones when they see me coming. I have watched people unabashedly run away from me. Phones, headphones, insanely interesting news articles, other people, imaginary phones—all have been used to avoid eye contact. One girl actually just yelled banana when I went up to her. This is one creative school.

In the morning a guy stopped by and told us that he actually used to go to Woods Homes. At the time he needed the shelter, but they helped him find a job and now he actually has a home and a job. I repeated this story over and over in my head; it was huge to have a tangible reminder of why we’re doing this.

The other thing I’ve observed is that food that is given to you tastes about 134% better than food you’ve bought. People know that I have nothing but words of appreciation to give them back, yet they’ve been so generous. I actually started crying when I saw two of my friends approach with fresh lasagna. Their hugs and words of encouragement genuinely got me through this day. I am extremely thankful that I am not homeless and pray that I never will be, but I also pray that I never lose the appreciation I currently have for a friendly face. At one point I stopped asking for money and just started asking people for a smile or even eye contact. I know this all sounds over the top, but the emotional and physical roller coaster that this is putting me through is ridiculous. People need to be loved, and shame on me for ever holding back a smile in the past.

Currently there is literally a snow storm going on outside. The roof of our dear hut tried its hand at freedom, but we caught it before it went too far down the hill. After a quick sew job (thank the good Lord that we have a survivalist on our team) it’s back on now, but tonight is going to be a bit of a gamble. Fingers crossed that I don’t wake up buried in snow.

Bring it on, Day 3 (he said with less aggression and a little bit more humility).

(Also, I don’t know who you are, but to the person who read my last blog and donated aloe vera for the wind burn, may your offspring be bountiful and your sheep never stop providing wool. And may the odds be ever in your favour. You are awesome.)