How I Asked the Love of My Life to Be My Wife

A very nervous, cold me ready to go

It was Sunday morning on Feb 23, 2014 and I had actually managed to get a decent amount of sleep for the first time in three weeks (I had left Joy early the night before under the guise that I had to get up early for the gold medal hockey game. The Olympics are the only time I could use a hockey game as an excuse and Joy would actually believe me.) Joy and I had been talking wedding plans for a couple of months already so she knew that this day was coming, but I still wanted some element of surprise. Proposing on our anniversary was the only way for me to have some semblance of surprise, so, despite the horrendous -30°c weather, today was the day. I went to Brittney’s house before church to give her more materials for the set-up as well as to grab some breakfast (because I had planned every single moment of this day down to the minute, but forgot to account for my breakfast cereal). I gave her the stuff, we put our game faces on, and it was off to church.

Walking in to the church building was great—nothing makes you feel more like a covert spy than receiving subtle nods and winks from all of your friends who are in on the gig. Now, normally after church a bunch of us go out for lunch, a process which normally takes 20+ minutes of deciding where to go. Now that everyone was in on the gig it was time to put our acting skills to the test.

Sarah: “I’m hungry.”

Everyone: “Yeah…..”

Me: “Hey, we should go to The Penny!”

Everyone: “Yeah!” “Awesome!” “Totally!” “Let’s go!”

Sooo, 0/1 on the subtle acting factor, but it worked well enough and Joy was none the wiser. I think.

I had initially been hesitant on including a group lunch date in the plans as I was worried someone would crack, but I have to make a note here: the acting performances of my friends were Oscar-worthy. Nobody giggled excitedly the entire meal (myself included) and no one blurted out, "HE'S GONNA PROPOSE!". When it came time to leave, a sufficient amount of plausible excuses were offered as to not arouse suspicion. The crew took off, leaving Joy and I to slowly gather our things. (Well, the crew sort of took off. They actually just went and hid behind a car which was mostly effective until I lead Joy out of the shop and had to turn around and surprise her with a kiss so that the others could duck for cover. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a distraction kiss.)

It was finally time for the mission to begin. Half-a-dozen roses, half-a-dozen locations signifying our time together, half-a-dozen confessions of love.

Locale #1: Echo Books. One of my favourite places as it’s the only (good) used book store in town and it’s run solely by a cantankerous old man (who was initially hesitant when I’d approached him the day before but ultimately agreed to my scheming). Importance: It’s a used bookstore. We’re Mike & Joy. Need I say more?

The First Rose

We spent an hour perusing the shelves, slowly making our way to the back room where a rose was planted as well as my first gift to Joy. During that time I actually found a few books to buy (bonus!) and we even received permission to go downstairs (a rare privilege for Echo Book patrons). The distraction of a book store actually did well to calm my nerves a bit. Finally, we made our way to the back and it only took me staring directly at the rose for multiple minutes before she noticed it. Inside the present was an old wooden journal that I had once gotten from Echo Books. I had had one of Joy’s friends inscribe it with our initials and had spent the last few weeks entering in my journal entries over the past year, which detailed the story of how I had fallen in love with her (Spoiler: it was fast and hard). After she opened the present we sat on the floor and I read her one of the journal entries. My one goal of the whole day was to make her cry and here she was crying after the first rose. #Success.

“Hey Joy?” “Yeah?” “I love you.”

Locale #2: Starbucks. Importance: It was the location of our first unofficial date (where Joy gracefully told me that I talk really loud and I realized that I was gonna like this girl), as

The Second Rose

well as it was attached to Chapters, where I first asked her out and we spent many hours looking at books together. (This location almost blew the whole operation as some of my Chapters co-workers came over to congratulate us, only for me to dramatically wave them away, mouthing “IT HASN’T HAPPENED YET!!” -- disaster averted.)

I had the table where we’d had our first date reserved and the rose planted. I ordered the same drinks we’d ordered that day over a year ago and we sat and reflected on how much had changed. She gave me her one-year gift: a ‘Smashbook’ overflowing with pictures, coupons, ticket stubs, and notes all collected over the past year. I read her a journal entry, trying to not think about the fact that her gift was totally cooler than mine. Jerk. She cried anyway. #Doublesuccess

“Hey Joy?” “Yeah?” “I love you.”

The Third Rose

Locale #3: The Gazebo overlooking the coulees. Importance: It was the destination of multiple romantic evenings, including the night that I asked Joy out. It overlooks one of the best parts of Lethbridge and has hundreds of people's initials scratched into the wood.

The walk down to the gazebo was frickin' cold—a small taste of what was to come. It’s important to reiterate that the temperature on this day was a whopping -30. I had bargained with the good Lord for warmer weather but He was not having any of it. So we pushed on, grabbed the (slightly frozen) rose, read a journal entry through chattering teeth, and added our initials to the many who had scratched their love into the wood before us.

“Hey Joy?” *chattering teeth* “Yeah?” “I love you.”

Our initials in the gazebo

Locale #4: The University Curriculum Lab. Importance: The location where I first laid eyes on Joy (and subsequently had my heart beating out of my chest).

We returned to the room where we’d had classes together in PSII and re-enacted the moment of her first coming in. I sat in the same location and told her how my heart had continued to expand as my mental checklist was fulfilled (Attractive? Heck yes. Similar interests? Check. Single? Check. Christian? Check. Thundercats Are Go!!) We then wandered around the library, noting the certain points we had conveniently found to make out in during class breaks. (I feel like this is good knowledge to remember when Joy and I are both real teachers).

“Hey Joy?” “Yeah?” “I love you.”

Locale #5: Highlands Park Lake. Importance: When Joy got home from Africa we walked around this lake over and over, taking in the lit-up fountains and adorable little docks.

Collecting roses along the way

At this point we were pretty cold, but thankfully had stopped to layer up a bit more. We walked over a bridge in the middle of the lake to find a rose tied to the central post. The routine continued: Rose. Journal. Tears. Love announced. Run back to the car.

Locale #6: A road just outside of town. Importance: Many months back, when I knew for sure that I loved Joy, I had every intention of waiting for her to come to Lethbridge so I could tell her in person. It seemed like the proper thing to do. Turns out I couldn’t hold it in, and my heart didn't care much for following procedure. One night, during an epic spring thunderstorm, I drove out to this road where I had a great view of the lightning off in the distance and told her that I loved her over the phone. She made me suffer for like 20 minutes before she returned the sentiment. Punk.

When we pulled up to this location Joy was very confused. It took a little while to set in before she realized, “Oh! Is this where you announced your love out into the prairies?” Yup, sure was. Then: “Good! And here I thought you were going to make us go all the way out to Narnia.” Cue Michael’s awkward expression...

Final Locale: Narnia. Importance: Narnia is my favourite location in all of Lethbridge (well, technically just outside of Lethbridge). After trekking through a field and over hills you arrive at a cliff overlooking a valley with the river running through it. I go there to retreat throughout the summer and Joy and I spent multiple lazy summer days here, swimming in the river and reading on the hillside.

We pulled up to the final location and I revealed the mixtape we’d been listening to over the course of the day. It was a playlist of a song from every movie that we had watched while we had been dating. Then, I read Joy the second last entry in the journal, the one I had written after I had decided that I was going to marry her, the one where I had written the words “wife” and “Joy Willems” for the first time. While she and I had talked seriously about marriage up until this point, we had avoided saying the words “fiancé”, “bride”, or “wife” because we wanted to save them. I had managed to keep myself together for the whole day, but after reading those words out loud to her I lost it a little bit. A lot-a bit. I was reminded that I am a very blessed man. We shared a moment and I could see the confirmation in Joy’s eyes as she realized that this was more than a really sweet anniversary date.

After putting on every single piece of clothing that we had in the car, we began the trek out to Narnia. It was not an easy one in the cold and snow, but our anticipating hearts kept us trekking on. As we crested the hill, the below scene was laid out before us. A table, set-up in the middle of coulee nowhere, prepared with gestures of love and romance.

Narnia

One of the things on the table was a box of chocolates from Sweet Gestures. Joy and I had gone to Cranbrook the week before the Big Day and, if you ask her, we had a somewhat lazy week each getting up around 11 a.m. and going around town meeting with friends. My version was a little different: it consisted of me sneaking out of the house before Joy got up and driving around Cranbrook, meeting up with her friends and trying to gather up all of the materials necessary for Sunday. Joy had informed me that one of her favourite places in the world was ‘Sweet Gestures’, a chocolate shoppe in Cranbrook, so I had picked up a box early Wednesday morning.

The chocolates were almost overshadowed by everything else our friends had prepared for us on the table. There was champagne and chocolate covered strawberries, cheese and meat platters, antique books, glowing candles, blankets, old suitcases, paintings made by our friends, and a plethora of other wonderful hipster decor. A mysterious amp also lay to the side. It was a lot to take in.

The Set Up

I would love to say that we sat and enjoyed everything before us, but by the time we had gotten there the food and champagne had already been out there for a couple of hours, so they were basically frozen solid. We enjoyed the moment though, and tried to take everything in. Then, I took a big breath, pulled a paper out of my jacket pocket, and started reading out the poem that I had written for her. The poem I had been writing for my bride-to-be since I was a very young boy. The poem which ended with the lines:

I want to grab your hand and stand by your side.

I want to be your servant, I want to be your guide.

I want to be the one in whom you confide.

I want to know a love that is tested and tried.

I want to share your laughs, want to share your cries.

I want to share your heart with the One who provides.

I want to do this all until the day that I die.

So that leaves one final question:

Joy Diana Friesen,
Will you be my bride?

I got on my knee for the final line and opened the ring box with shaking hands. For about a minute Joy just smiled and nodded and cried and smiled and nodded and cried some more. She was speechless, which, if you know Joy at all, is an incredibly abnormal state. In the most romantic way possible I responded, “Joy, I love you, and I want you to enjoy this moment to the fullest, but I’mma need a real answer real soon because my knee is currently freezing to the ground.” She finally declared, “YES!” so I took off her mitts and we managed to get the ring on her frozen, shaking finger together.

The Ring and the Journal

After embracing and praying for a short time I took her closer to the cliffside and yelled the words, “SHE SAID YES!” out into the valley. With that, the amp beside the table came alive with one of my favourite songs, Mumford and Son’s, “She Said Yes”, and our friends, who had been waiting below the cliff for this moment, released 100 helium LED-lit balloons up into the sun-setting sky. Well, that was the intent. I learned a valuable science lesson that day that helum + freezing weather don’t mix well. Regardless, the balloons fought a good battle and Joy and I got to watch in glee as we looked over the cliff to see our friends working their hardest to get the balloons to float. It was hilarious and beautiful and pure. We danced to the sound of banjoes twanging, yelled "Thank you!" to our friends, then quickly grabbed the champagne and booked it back to the car. We promptly returned to my home where we had tea, a heated blanket, and a small celebration with everyone who had helped me throughout the day.

Mission accomplished.

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It is at this point that I must mention that Joy and I have the most AMAZING friends in the world. Like actually. Because they not only helped me plan the Big Day--talking me down from activities that were both illegal/deadly (there were a lot more explosions in my initial plan)-- but they also:

picked up the supplies,

planted the roses all over town (the caravan),

lugged all the materials for the table through the fields and hills...

including 100 helium-filled balloons,

climbed down the side of a coulee WITH the balloons (you can see them in the bottom left),

then huddled together in -30°c weather for two hours until Joy and I finally showed up.

So to every person who helped me with this process...
(Ash, Brad, Brit, Chelsea, Jenn, Mark, Mike, Sarah)
(and Ruth for helping me inscribe the journal!)

I salute you!

You are amazing and I couldn't have done it without you.

(And thanks everyone for reading this far! Stay tuned for the spoken word poem I recorded for Joy a few months back.)