New Beginning

So here lies my blog, a site that, in its heyday, was a raucous-house of parties and good times. Where there were people laughing, they were laughing on this blog. Where there were children dancing, they were dancing on this blog. Where there were gifts of euphoria and exuberance to be given into unexpecting and overjoyed hands, they were given right here on this blog.

But it’s sad now really, because those days are gone. I’ve decided that perhaps I’ve matured past my old self who needed to fulfill his teenage angst-filled desires by having a secret (/not-so-secret) blog, which he could choose to reveal at the perfect moment to those who were truly deserved of witnessing his soul. For years I was so excited that I had this confidential blog that no one else knew about that was harbouring so many of my fears and dreams and that one day, with the single click of a mouse, I could reveal my heart completely to someone. It would be magical and romantic even and so perfectly Hollywood and

Lame. Secret blogs suck. Plus the entire concept of a “secret blog” is pretty oxymoronic since, technically, there’s nothing secretive about the World Wide Web. Also, it I sucked at keeping it a secret, considering I’m pretty sure I posted the URL on Facebook at one point. Still, despite the fact that it was hosted on a device that is accessible to 90% of the population of the world (aka the Internet), I’m pretty sure that my blog was viewed by approximately six people, three of which I’m pretty sure only read the first page. One of them was apparently someone from India though, so that’s pretty exciting.

All that to say: I think I’m going to start blogging… again… but for realz this time. Why? Three reasons, which I have compiled for you in a neat, compact list (a theme which you will most likely find recurring quite frequently in this blog):

1. I had an epiphany after my latest paper-writing stint which found me locked in the university library for a consecutive 24 hours to finish two papers due the next day. Mono-filled Kleenexes strewn out on the floor, Subway extracts to my right and lefts, papers sprinkled over the span of the entire desk, clothes bundled throughout the room particularly in the far corner designated for 20 minute catnaps, you get the picture. As my fingers began to numb during my third editing run-through, I was forced to stop and ask the question that every student asks themselves on a daily basis, whether consciously or not, and that is, “Why am I doing this to myself?” And the answer, to my deranged disgust and glee? I kinda like it. I kinda really sorta like writing a lot. Even if it means putting myself through a type of literaturistic-hell just to meet a deadline, then so be it. I love to write and I want to do more of it, so why not do it in a place where I can write what I want to write about, with the added bonus that there will be slightly more accountability to keep it going than there is from my journal that is currently gathering dust on my desk.
2. I suck at responding. It is not one of my gifts. God did not grant me the ability to read an email and reply to it in a prompt, precise manner. I wish He did, but it’s just not so. There are many people in my life who have unfortunately poured their hearts out into virtual print and mailed it to me with the hopes of hearing words of wit, encouragement, and mutual updates in return, only to receive the sweet, silent echoes of a vacant inbox reverberating back at them. I apologize for this, and I promise I am working on it. Honest. For the record though, my standard has always been that, while my responses are rarely timely, what they lack in punctuality they make up for in scale. I go big. You’ll learn that soon.  For those of you who are still expecting updates from me as to where I’m living or what I’m up to, hopefully this blog will serve as band-aid on your virtual heart for the time being.
3. I need to get over myself a little bit. I was scared of blogging because it is a commitment that thousands of people make every day, and then fail at every other day. Who am I to think that I have something that is deserving of other people to read? What if I can’t keep it up? What if it turns out that I am a terrible writer? Well, like I said, I need to get over myself a little bit. It is not the New York Times. It is not the be-all and end-all of modern literature. It is not the psychoanalysis of my ability to commit or succeed at anything in life. It is a blog, a word that is apparently so meaningless that my spellcheck does not even currently register it as legitimate. So, with the nudging and encouragement of my friends and fellow bloggers (see list on side), here I am.

So there’s my reasoning. That, and why-the-heck-not? (ALWAYS a good argument.) I have been attempting to restart this blog for a while and have been hinting at it with many of my friends. One thing that stopped me was that last poem. Honestly that was the last poem I’ve written and I wrote it over a year ago. When I wrote it, it meant a lot to me and then the worst thing that can happen to a writer happened: I lost it. Nothing disheartens me more than having to rewrite something that I’ve written. Thankfully, randomly, miraculously I stumbled upon it last month and it was like reopening a door that I honestly thought I had shut for good. It was cool the timing of it and I wanted to make sure I posted it before I officially began anew.

So continuing on looking towards the future, just as with my email responses, I will try to set a standard here on this blog (yes, in list form. You might as well get used to it now):

1. I will try not to post anything that I’ve written after 2am (such as this very post) without editing it/completely re-writing it the next day.
2.  I will attempt not to rant. Ranting is fun and sometimes necessary, but generally not that good of a read. I will do it, I can pretty much guarantee it. I’ll just try to do it… well? Umm… considerately. I will attempt to be a considerate ranter.
3. I will update you on what I’m reading/watching/listening to as best I can.
4. I will try to update often. That’s the doozy right there. Anyone who has attempted blogging before knows how hard it is to post frequently and I am very aware that it’s not an easy task. I will try. I will fail. You will forgive me (I hope). I will try some more.
5. I will not take myself, or this blog, too seriously.
6. I will be posting a sufficiently less amount of poems. This blog was begun with the intention of posting my poems but that phase of my life has passed and this blog has undergone some serious renovation. I can’t say I won’t ever post a poem again, but it will certainly become much more of a rarity.
7. I will want to have consistent catchy themes like “Wild Word Wednesday” or “Philosopher’s Freakout Fridays” but I will try to resist. Though I’ll still have some, let’s be serious.
8. I will wing it, for the most part.
9. I will attempt not to make all my posts this long.

So there you have it, the ground settings. The Blogger’s Vow. My pledge will change and alter, just like my life list (which is featured on the right side of this blog and will most likely be the topic of conversation many times), but hopefully they will grow towards a better site for your viewing pleasure.

Disclaimer: I am well aware that literaturistic is not a word. I also know that the terms “catnap” and “doozy” are archaic and somewhat revolting. I am aware that my grammar may not be perfect: this is my blog, not my English assignment. Please do not hold the fact that I am an English major against me.  That being said, if you notice a blindingly obvious grammar/spelling mistake, please inform me, just… be kind :)

So anyway, here’s to being here. Here’s to life being interesting, words being inspiring, and clichés being the light that guides me home. I feel like I need a good signoff now, so I will leave you with the words of my first-ever recorded journal entry written at the ripe old age of 8:

“I don’t have much to say because the day was so boring. So I end the day with a slow good-bye dear journal. Verse of the day: Be glad for what you have.”

Gems of a future writer, friends. Gems.