Day 5 - I Feel the Need to Apologize

So today's an exciting day for me. Instead of talking more about creativity, I want to finally reveal a project I've been working on for a while.

When I did 5 Days for the Homeless, I had planned on getting insane amounts of reading and writing done. Turns out, boxes are not conducive to comfortable reading times, mostly they're for curling up in a ball and attempting to sleep. BUT I did manage to scratch out a page or two of my thoughts. I've had a lot going on over the past couple of months and it was nice to spew out all my ideas in one sitting.

Once I finished 5 Days I immediately went home and turned those pages into some spoken word poetry. I have been really interested in spoken word for a long time now and have only just begun to realize how truly passionate I am about it. I will be posting some of my favourite poets in the future. (Side note: At one point I even became Facebook friends with Taylor Mali--a fairly well-known spoken word poet--but then I realized that he didn't have very many friends, so I just felt kind of creepy and de-friended him. It was awkward.)

Soon after I wrote the poem, my friend Amara told me that she had access to a recording studio at Lethbridge College. Sweet! It turns out that recording yourself speaking for 3 straight hours is an enlightening and unnerving experience. I have spent many hours during the editing of this project debating over whether or not I have a speech impediment. :/

THEN I went home and spent the next week working on a combination of sound editing, accompaniment editing, video recording, splicing, and more editing. I used a very, um, MacGyver-esque tripod (piano stool, bar stool, books, mirror, camera, and lamp)

and then spent a whole lot of time staring at this:

I used many different programs and even spent an entire day attempting to learn the whole of Adobe After Effects in one day, but it turns out it's just a ridiculously complicated program.

Then, fear hit. Confession time: I finished this project in totality back in March--and I was so excited and immediately wanted to put it up--but then I started thinking about how many hits it would get. Then I started thinking about what would happen if people don't like it. Then I started thinking about how it has to be absolutely perfect and I can't release it unless I am 100% satisfied with it. Well, turns out, I need to get over myself.

1. I am not 100% satisfied with it. Am I proud of it? Yes. Will I ever be completely satisfied with it? No. Over the course of working on it I have learnt that perfectionism is just a disguise for fear.

2. It's not about me. It's not about whether my voice sounds funny or the graphics aren't perfect. It's not about whether each rhyme is perfect. There's a lot of truth in this project and I want to share it with people because I wholeheartedly believe in everything that is said. As anyone who works in ministry can tell you, it's not about how many people you reach, it's about making an impact on the ones that you do.

So without further ado, I present: "I Feel the Need to Apologize": (If it's too small you can get a better size with the link below the video.)

I would really love if you could share this video with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, or wherever because, like I said, there's a lot of truth in it. Here is the youtube link to just copy and paste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOUocB4Jvm4.