So I'm In This Class Called Exploring Creativity...

So I’m in this class called Exploring Creativity. It’s a drama class, and it’s every bit as wonderfully flaky as it sounds. And I love it.

Within seconds of the prof walking in on the first day, my friend turned to me and whispered, “So… he’s a free spirit.” Classic long, pony-tailed hair, perma-smile hippie. Classic.

So far, it seems like the class is just one big ITC. ITCs are Initiative Task Challenges and I am a huge fan of them (I did my first every mini-lecture on ITCs in my ed class). Basically they are games that emulate real-life scenarios that encourage team building, self-reflection, and are generally just great opportunities to observe and grow, if you’re open to it.

In our first class, we spent the first hour lying on our backs, “taking inventory” of our hearts. Despite the class being at 9am and me normally wanting to be dead to the world at this point, I really enjoyed being able to get focused for the day. I think every morning class needs to have at least a ten minute heart-inventory-time. I would love any teacher who did this; it would be like bringing naptime back from kindergarten. Man, I can’t wait until I’m a teacher.

As the class progressed, we moved from heart inventory to staring into each other’s eyes. We literally had to walk around the room and make eye contact with each other. At first it was just passing glances, and then it got more and more intense as time went on. We had to wander and then, when he said, “Find a partner,” we all had to team up with the person closest to us and assume Tarzan-Jane hand positioning while staring into each other’s eyes for a couple minutes. You can’t break eye contact and you’re not supposed to talk or laugh. It was weirdly intimate. THEN, to make things more intense, we had to answer three questions in our heads.

1.     What is something from your past that you want to let go?

2.     What is something that you know to be true above all else?

3.     What is your greatest secret?

You know, classic first-date material.

This time when we made eye contact we had to try and portray one of our answers to the other person using only our eyes. This all sounds ridiculous, but it was actually a really powerful experience. Some people stared right through my eyes and very intentionally blocked out any form of communication. Some people constantly giggled, an obvious defense mechanism for nerves and fear. One girl almost started crying as we stared, switching back and forth between each eye. It was the strangest feeling in the world to stare into this random girl’s eyes as she teared up and I couldn’t really do anything about it. I wanted to hug every single person that I made contact with. You want to hide from/expose everything/make out with each person, and the conflicting emotions make things really heavy, really fast.

The point was to bond us as classmates so we weren’t just strangers, and I’d say it was pretty darn effective. I genuinely felt close to people that I’d never spoken a word to. Even just walking around and making eye contact at the beginning was incredibly reassuring. I knew we were all doing it because we were being told, yet the affirmation and acceptance made me strangely joyful inside. Acknowledgement of my existence, regardless of how tiny and inconsequential, was massively encouraging. It was like, “Why yes, yes I am here! I did get out of bed today! Thank for noticing!”

Either that, or I’m just really narcissistic.

But then came my favourite part. Mr. Free Spirit got all 40 of us to stand in a circle (side note: after working with kids a lot, watching 40 people make a circle in under 10 minutes still kind of blows my mind). He got two people to stand in the middle of the circle, make eye contact, and try and portray their deepest secret. Our job on the outside was to just observe. It was like people-watching to the extreme, and the psych minor in me was giggly with excitement. Just getting to analyze and observe shamelessly without having to quickly look away when they catch you. Heaven.

Only a couple people got the chance to be in the middle, and, due to my desire to experience everything, of course I volunteered. It was unnerving knowing that 38 other people were taking in every aspect of me: my clothes, my hair, the way I was staring, the way I was walking. The prof got the two of us to walk around in a circle while staring, which was surprisingly difficult. Thankfully he let us pick our question, so I picked “what I know to be true above all else”. It was sweet to be able to just stare at this stranger while trying to let him know that he was created and designed by a God who loves him. I wanted to hug him when it was all over, but we shook hands instead because, you know, that’s what men do. Ha! It’s possible I’m getting waaay to into this class.

The class is ridiculous, but there are already a lot of practical implications that I am taking away from it. A lot of the lessons are about being self-aware, an issue that I am very cognizant of. I generally (and by generally, I mean always) err on the side of being too self-aware, and this is both a blessing and a curse.

Recently, I was really struggling with grieving properly. That sounds weird because you’d think grieving kinda just comes naturally, but it’s easy to get so caught up in your own head. I find that I berate myself for each vulnerable thought—I think about how absurd/melodramatic/unnecessary/insincere each thought is. I struggle with allowing myself to grieve when I know that there are so many other people out there who have so many worse issues than I do. Thankfully, I have a good friend who sent me a text one night that really helped:

“Be self aware. Figure out what it is that your heart is feeling. Literally just sit there and absorb that feeling. Cry. Or laugh or whatever the emotion requires of you. Don’t think about what it looks like or means or whether it is ok. Just soak it in. And when you are ready, let it go.”

Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to feel things, regardless of how ridiculous those feelings may be. If you desire to feel them, then you are being sincere in your emotions. That sounds inspirationally vague, but it is a lesson that I need to learn. I found that this ties directly into being creative. If you shut down every idea as being ridiculous or attempt to see the impracticality of something before even letting the idea expand, then you’re only asking for failure. I’m genuinely looking forward to applying Exploring Creativity into my daily life.

The point of this blog was supposed to just be about how ridiculous this class is, but then it went and got all life application-y. Flip. Well here’s a picture of a couple chicken fans. Enjoy.