I No Longer Believe in Dentists: An Ode

My teeth did not hurt.

I went to the dentist because people told me to.

I went to the dentist because people were all like, “YOU’VE ONLY BEEN TO THE DENTIST ONCE!?! THAT’S DISGUSTING!!”

I went to the dentist because it’s supposed to be good for you and it was covered under my insurance.

So I went to the dentist.

At the dentist, they spent four hours fixing all the terrible things that were wrong with my teeth.

At the dentist, they charged me $400 because my insurance, which covers 100% of dental care, only estimated 80% of how much it would cost. So it covered 100% of 80% of the price.

At the dentist, they stabbed and poked and prodded 100% more than what felt natural.

It has now been a month since I went to the dentist.

Now, my mouth feels like a tiny game of soccer is being played inside of it 24/7, with a dagger as the soccer ball.

Now, my mouth literally starts crying at the thought of eating something cold.

Now, I have 400 less dollars.

Peer pressure sucks. Dentists suck. And I am re-applying my mother’s mantra that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I no longer believe in dentists.