Holidays are Murder

Holidays are murder
The mind begins to turn
Holidays are murder
The heart begins to burn
How can one spread love and peace?
How can one spread joy?
How can one be thankful?
When his heart’s a broken toy.
How can one have feeling?
When he’s thrown upon the floor
How can one find freedom?
When there’s so much against his door.
I plead so much with all my heart
That I’ll find peace again
That I might know the one I was
But until then, until then
I pray that I find You.

Them

I wish and wish to be one of Those,
And when I finally am,
I look around once more again,
And wish to be one of Them.

Junior High Makes You Think Too Much

Junior High makes you think too much,
It’s full of people who think as such,
Does she like him?
Will I ever fit in?
Junior high makes you think too much.

God Bless the Ignorant

God bless the ignorant
For those who want nothing else
For those who cannot find the evil truth
And do not seek it.
For those who live in bliss
Who live for their life
For those who live to survive, love, enjoy, fulfill
For those who do not care about the worries that our culture has burdened upon us
But accepted the life of simplicity.
And find joy
And find peace
God bless the serene.

Seeking Salvation

I settled on my knees at the base of a wall, my world of burdens weighing on my mind. I have come to the wall out of desperation; to seek solitude and deliverance from my burdens. I am overwhelmed with tears of exhaustion. I’m exhausted from fighting my own will, from struggling against the conflicts of my life. I am exhausted from life. I tried to ignore my cargo again and again, but it became so large I had to deal with it.

I had no intention of coming to this wall, but to it I was led. I am not one to be caught on me knees, a position of weakness and surrender, but here I am. As I struggle against my desires to run my eyes search the wall. I need some sort of answer or something to distract me from my pain. Some type of magical remedy that will free me from my own evil.

Finally, an anomaly. A brick out of place. My mind is relieved that I can dwell on something other than my sorrows so I focus in on the object. Mystically, the figure grows closer and closer to me. My eyes deceive me as the far away image seems to come to life. Finally I am able to discern what it is. As the object approaches all I can is a picture of a man. His arms are out to his side by his waist and his palms are facing me. He seems to be floating. I do not know why but I assume it is him who is controlling the picture to come closer and closer. It is a stained glass window in the wall and its vibrant colours seem to leap out at me. The image is almost at me now as it hovers above my head. Then it stops.

My eyes are captivated by its beauty and for a moment I have forgotten all the sorrows that lead me to this place. Everything about the man in the picture is majestic and dignified. His body portrays such elegance yet his face is blank. I look at it deeply, excepting some hidden wonder but I find nothing beneath his blank shallow stare. It is as though his face was cut out from a magazine and pasted onto the painting; it does not match its surroundings.

I stare at this picture with a sense of awe and wonder. Who created a beauty such as this? I wish I could meet the artist to congratulate him or her. To my amazement, as I look at the image the colours seem to become more and more vibrant, something I did not even think possible. The individual glass pieces seem to leave their holdings and float above me. They shine so much my eyes begin to hurt but I cannot look away. They float and soar and hover and… fall. In a snap the pieces collapse to the floor. Every single shard falls from its place of glory and lands in pieces on the ground. Some land in my outstretched hands that I had no recollection of reaching for. My mind forgot to realize that the shrapnel may be sharp as I encumber my hands around them to catch them. They cut deep into my calloused hands causing blood to start seeping. I do not even feel the pain as I am so mesmerized that something of such beauty could be destroyed so swiftly in front of my eyes. All that is left in the wall is a gaping hole and the outline of what used to be a masterpiece.

Distressed, my heart yearns for the pieces in my hands. Did I cause this glory to shatter? Again my mind returns to the burdens of my heart and I have forgotten the peace I had felt only moments ago. I begin to sob as guilt, shame, and anger wash over me at my own stupidity. I hate myself; a deep passionate hate. How could I be so dumb? My rage grows as each passing thought of hatred plants more and more seeds of agony into my soul. I clench my fists, forgetting the glass shards and scream in anguish. My affliction is too great, my burden too strong. I am overwhelmed and want nothing more then to through myself against the floor again and again. Why?

Before I can do anything the glare of red catches my eye. The blood from my hands is now flowing onto the ground. As I see this I can do nothing but cry. What have I become? In defeat I fall from my hardened position and just sit on the floor observing my hands. Why am I so overcome with this force? The glass from the window begins to knit with my tears and blood. Before I can question it this concoction has formed a silver mercury liquid in my palms. There are no longer any scars or gaping wounds, just this liquid replacing my blood. In front of my eyes my skin absorbs the liquid until there is no more. I am so overwhelm with exhaustion and disgust and hate and brokenness that I do not have room to question this act. I can only believe. I can feel the fluid move through my body; through my blood. From my hands to my arms to my chest it flows and I can do nothing to stop it. As it shoots up my spine a feeling so intense occurs that I cannot even describe it. It is like power and passion and peace and joy and love all rush through my body at the same time. It is overwhelming beyond compare and yet it is… comforting. It resides in my soul and exhilarates my heart but with it comes a sense of serenity. A greater peace then I have ever felt before. The burden that had almost destroyed me is lifted like a bucket from a well. It is tossed aside and replaced with a flowing, redeeming water that is indescribable. For once in my life I feel free. And then…

I blink. I open my eyes and I am once again kneeling at the emotionless wall. Shock runs through me as I try to recall what had just happened. It was real… wasn’t it? I search for the passion I had only just felt. What was going on? Then I look up to see the portrait still there. The man was the same once again, the same dignified presence and poise. He was in the same position with the same background surrounding him and yet something was completely different. My eyes are caught by his face. No longer was it the blank, expressionless face that had dwelt there before but it had been replaced by something new. It had been replaced by a countenance immersed with sorrow and pain. It contained a silent burden that forced the owner to grimace. A face I related to so intimately and could recall effortlessly. And then I remembered. I remembered the peace. I remembered the serenity. I remembered the grace.

My Christianity

We are the child begging for food;
We are the burden on your back,
Yet still you feed us.
You strengthen our souls,
Your love is what drives us on,
You’re the reason we live.
Like a single note in a melody,
We seem to forget our importance.
Instead we fight to become prominent,
To become more stable and sure.
We lost our priorities,
We lose you.
We are the sweat from your hand;
The blood in your body.
How silly; we try to satisfy
Our need to be accepted,
Our need to be under control.
We will not be content until we have complete control,
And you will not be content without all of our entity.
We are your hammer and nails;
As soon as we become content you rip us out again.
We see it as punishment,
But truly you are saving us from mediocrity.
Father do not let us become like rocks,
Lifeless, uncaring, emotionless rocks.
Knock us off our pedestals,
Kick our feet out from under us,
Until we are bowing down at your feet,
Until there is no one before you,
Until we are once again the sheep you designed us to be.

Time Shift

As a child, time speeds quickly by,
Going through the motions.
To ever stop moving,
Would be an unspeakable notion,
Everything is here and now,
Speedy are the days.
It’s hard to remember five minutes ago;
Yesterday’s a haze.
Bam, it all changes,
Livin’ life till it’s full.
Everything’s a constant blur,
Life won’t ever be dull.
Boom, there’s not enough time,
So much stuff to do.
So much to accomplish,
Time must start anew.
Bang, you’re sitting home alone,
Hours creep by like days.
It’s hard to remember five minutes ago;
Your life’s a giant haze.
You sit there rocking in your chair,
Reminiscing ‘bout the past.
You stop to dwell on one last thought,
“Did I make it all last?”