I No Longer Believe in Dentists: An Ode

My teeth did not hurt.

I went to the dentist because people told me to.

I went to the dentist because people were all like, “YOU’VE ONLY BEEN TO THE DENTIST ONCE!?! THAT’S DISGUSTING!!”

I went to the dentist because it’s supposed to be good for you and it was covered under my insurance.

So I went to the dentist.

At the dentist, they spent four hours fixing all the terrible things that were wrong with my teeth.

At the dentist, they charged me $400 because my insurance, which covers 100% of dental care, only estimated 80% of how much it would cost. So it covered 100% of 80% of the price.

At the dentist, they stabbed and poked and prodded 100% more than what felt natural.

It has now been a month since I went to the dentist.

Now, my mouth feels like a tiny game of soccer is being played inside of it 24/7, with a dagger as the soccer ball.

Now, my mouth literally starts crying at the thought of eating something cold.

Now, I have 400 less dollars.

Peer pressure sucks. Dentists suck. And I am re-applying my mother’s mantra that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I no longer believe in dentists.

Creation

I have a confession. The poem from my last post was a bit of a joke.

One of our prompts for Creative Writing was to take a poem in another language and translate it as you hear it. Seeing as I already sing along with Sigur Ros despite the fact that it is in Icelandic (/Hopelandish), I figured it was worth a shot. "I'll Lick His Sin Good" was the result after I organized it a bit and I was entertained to find that it actually sounded like a real poem.

This could be a commentary on how you can find beauty and art in everything, even when it starts off as nothing. It could also be a commentary on how liberal poets are actually just pretentious people spitting useless jargon. Or it could just be a commentary on how finals do stupid things to students' brains, resulting in creations like this. Whatever your perspective, enjoy the real version. (It's entertaining to listen and read along with the words below.)

How silver I’ll

Least that I’m acclimating

Always the glout

Scared of skirt-then image

In Oscar’s mirror

Oh look at a way we’re out

Now give us a

No right to sigh

Oh maid

Ouster the Prague

In the cart of sprinkle

Look here, you Prague

On the other sequel

In Oscar’s mirror

Oh look at a way we’re out

Now give us a

Now far a dance

All penguins the slow, slow stead

While I disa—

I’ll gnaw you one

All night

Lambaste the winner

Cry used ant dinner

Ya kinky towelly

Or rent a howly

Or eat clam outin

Ye follow me cloutin

The army victims

The army kisses

I’ll rip my panter

I’ll toast to Anter

He’s sitting like him

He’s sitting like him!

I mean my simple

I’ll lick his sin good

I’ll start de vala

With lip and trala

I’ll turn this smile off

Leave a s-car on

Err... Emmy Ralla

He pushed him farther

He bested ‘im-a

Cry you some dinner

I used to know him

He followed me gloating

Ye kinky towelly

Or rent a howlly

The army victims

The army kisses

I’ll rip my banter

I’ll toast to anter

He’s sitting like him

He’s sitting like him!

I mean my simple

I’ll lick his sin good.

Resolution

I already mentioned the Creative Writing class that I'm in in a previous blog, and still have a whole lot more to say on the matter. For now, I'm just going to post some of the stuff that I'm working on. I had a lot of fun with this one.

I’ll Lick His Sin Good

(Accompanied to the sound of schoolboys hopping)

How silver,

Well at least I’m acclimating.

Always the glout,

Scared of skirted images.

In Oscar’s mirror:

“Oh! Look at the way we’re out!”

Now give us a—no right to sigh—

Oh maid!

Ouster the Prague,

In carts of sprinkle

Look here, you Prague

At the other sequel

In Oscar’s mirror:

“Oh look at a way we’re out!”

Now give us a—how far is a—

a dance.

All penguins; the slow, slow stead

While I disa—

I’ll gnaw you one

All night.

Lambaste the winner,

Cry “Used ant dinner!”

You kinky towel-ly.

Or rent a Howly

Or eat clam outin’

Or follow me cloutin’.

The army victims,

The army kisses.

I’ll rip my banter,

I’ll toast to Anter.

He’s sitting like him.

He’s sitting like him!

I mean it’s simple:

I’ll lick his sin good.

I’ll start De Vala,

With lip and trala,

I’ll turn his smile off

But leave his scar on.

See Emmy Ralla,

He pushed him farther;

He bested him.

Cry, you, for some dinner

For I used to know him;

He followed me gloating.

Buy a kinky towel-ly,

Or rent a Howly.

The army victims,

The army kisses.

I’ll rip my banter,

I’ll toast to Anter.

He’s sitting like him.

He’s sitting like him!

I mean, my Simple:

I’ll lick his sin good.